"I have to always be the listener. If I talk about myself people won't care."
"If I'm not the best, I don't have value."
Maybe we have had some painful experiences in the past that created powerful associations with hurt. So now we've changed our behavior to avoid experiencing that pain again.
These patterns will continue if we do not face them. We need to recondition these associations by exposing ourselves to these fears. Through repetition of experiencing these things that we are afraid of we will begin to create new associations and new rule governed behavior.