In marriage we get into cycles. There are good cycles and there
are bad cycles. BOTH partners are
responsible for the cycle. Here is how it works.
Bad Cycle:
Wife says something grumpy---- husband response
defensively----- wife is offended by his defensive response and gives him the
cold shoulder----husband is angry wife is ignoring him so he doesn’t do what
she asked---- wife is angry he will not do what he asked so she refuses sex---
husband looks at porn because he feels justified since his wife isn’t giving
him any…… and on it goes
Good Cycle:
Husband make wife breakfast in bed---- wife is so grateful
that it leads to sex--- husband is sexual satisfied and feels appreciate so he
is motivated to do the wife’s to do list--- wife is so grateful he did the to
do list that she makes a really special supper for him--- husband is
appreciative of his wife’s previous action that he asks her to cuddle and watch
a movie together after the kids go to bed… and on it goes
Now at any point each partner has the power to break one of
these cycles. Any point one person can response sweetly or poorly and jump to
the other cycle. This is a very powerful concept. If you can start to recognize
these patterns in your own marriage you can prevent a series of relationship
damaging events from ever happening.
Example:
Husband is grumpy and exhausted from the day and is short
with his wife--- wife recognizes the exhaustion and offers to make him supper
and encourages him to relax--- husband feels respected, valued and more rested,
and then has more energy to talk sweetly and spend time with his wife--- wife’s
needs get met and it is no longer a challenge to be sweet to him--- both the
husband and the wife’s needs are satisfied--- potential conflict averted.
Breaking these cycles means stopping yourself before you
respond emotionally, but the benefits are a happy and satisfying marriage. If you
and your spouse are stuck in the bad cycle don’t be afraid to seek help. Breaking long time habits is not easy to do!
No comments:
Post a Comment