Thursday, May 31, 2012

Marriage: Breaking the Cycle




In marriage we get into cycles. There are good cycles and there are bad cycles.  BOTH partners are responsible for the cycle. Here is how it works.

Bad Cycle:
Wife says something grumpy---- husband response defensively----- wife is offended by his defensive response and gives him the cold shoulder----husband is angry wife is ignoring him so he doesn’t do what she asked---- wife is angry he will not do what he asked so she refuses sex--- husband looks at porn because he feels justified since his wife isn’t giving him any…… and on it goes

Good Cycle:
Husband make wife breakfast in bed---- wife is so grateful that it leads to sex--- husband is sexual satisfied and feels appreciate so he is motivated to do the wife’s to do list--- wife is so grateful he did the to do list that she makes a really special supper for him--- husband is appreciative of his wife’s previous action that he asks her to cuddle and watch a movie together after the kids go to bed… and on it goes

Now at any point each partner has the power to break one of these cycles. Any point one person can response sweetly or poorly and jump to the other cycle. This is a very powerful concept. If you can start to recognize these patterns in your own marriage you can prevent a series of relationship damaging events from ever happening.

Example:
Husband is grumpy and exhausted from the day and is short with his wife--- wife recognizes the exhaustion and offers to make him supper and encourages him to relax--- husband feels respected, valued and more rested, and then has more energy to talk sweetly and spend time with his wife--- wife’s needs get met and it is no longer a challenge to be sweet to him--- both the husband and the wife’s needs are satisfied--- potential conflict averted.

Breaking these cycles means stopping yourself before you respond emotionally, but the benefits are a happy and satisfying marriage. If you and your spouse are stuck in the bad cycle don’t be afraid to seek help.  Breaking long time habits is not easy to do!

Monday, May 21, 2012

When Grandparents Divorce

The Cover is FINISHED! 
Coming this fall! Children's book and parent guide on grandparent divorce. Answers tough questions like: 
What can I do if my children are displaying behaviors related to the divorce?
Infants would benefit from you keeping routines and schedules the same. Keep comforting blankets and toys nearby, and don’t be afraid to be extra affectionate with your infant. Having more cuddle and play time will help to reassure them.
Toddlers may need you to spend extra time with them. Schedule in extra time when dropping off or leaving your child behind.They may need extra reassurance. Be extra affectionate, both verbally and physically. Be patient with signs of regression and
understand that with time and support, the child will most likely catch up to where he was.
Preschool and elementary-age children need more verbal reassurance. Provide them with opportunities to talk, write or draw about how they are feeling. Reading books about the topic can help them process and understand what is going on. This can also
help them to feel like they are not alone or wrong for feeling a certain way. Gently letting them know that the divorce is final will help them to accept the changes, and move forward. Making plans for when they can see their grandparents can help reduce
some of their anxiety. Reminding them that they are still loved, and it was not their fault, is important.
For teens keeping the lines of communication open is very important. It can be helpful for teens to have a healthy adult outside of the family to talk to, such as a youth pastor, teacher, or family friend. Talking to teens about how things will change and how things will stay the same, can help as well.Writing and drawing can also be healing for a teenager. If behaviors get out of
control, seeing a counselor or therapist can help at any age

New CEU now ready!!

  Objectives:  Participants will gain an understanding of common comorbid diagnoses associated with Autism (ADHD, Depression, and ODD).  Par...