Monday, April 30, 2012

30 Day Marriage Challenge

Saving a marriage that is on the rocks takes hard but intentional work. People often do not know where to start. The good news is this hard work can often times be fun.  This is meant to be a day by day guide to help you improve your marriage. Whether your marriage is near divorce or you are just in a dry patch, this guide is meant for you.

Day 1: Discuss with your spouse positive memories you have from your relationship. NO NEGATIVE COMMENTS ALLOWED.

Day 2: Write a list of expectations you have for you and your spouse. Be as detailed as possible so you can communicate about each thing. If you have contradicting expectations, brainstorm together about finding a middle ground.

Day 3: Take Love Languages Quiz and identify your love language and your spouses.

Day 4: Put reminders around the house about what your spouse’s love language is, so you can remember to utilize it.

Day 5: Write rules for communicating together that would help you feel more comfortable. Example: no name calling or raising voices.

Day 6: Do not say one negative thing to your spouse all day.

Day 7: Make a list of attributes you respect about your spouse and share it with them.

Day 8: Make a list of creative dates you would like to go on. (at least 10 dates each)

Day 9: Put your date ideas in a hat and pick one date. Then go on that date that night! If that date cannot be 
done that day make plans to do that date and pick another date from the hat until you have one you can do that night.

Day 10: Identify ways you could improve your marriage and make specific plans for achieve those goals.

Day 11: Buy your spouse a gift. Before you buy your gift agree on how much you spend. 

Day 12: Discuss your family of origin. Identify how they are different and how they are similar. Identify how they affect you today.

Day 13: Plan a daily time to chat for about 15 minutes or more. Some people do this over breakfast, some people do this before bed. Any time is ok as long as it works for both of you.

Day 14: Identify ways you have hurt your spouse and apologize for it. If is something you are currently doing, make a plan with your spouse for how to end it. (this is not a time to point out how your spouse has hurt you)

Day 15: Cuddle!! Watch a movie, go to bed early or whatever you want to do to facilitate cuddling. Just enjoy being close.

Day 16: If you have kids identify each other’s parenting strengths.  Discuss if you need to change any of your parenting strategies.

Day 17: Pick another date from the hat!

Day 18: Take time to look at your finances. Make a budget if you do not have one in place. Most of all find a way to agree on how you spend your money.

Day 19: Daydream about the future and how you would like it to look.

Day 20: Write your spouse a note about what you appreciate about them.

Day 21: Do something your spouse normally does, like take out the trash or do the dishes.

Day 22: Ask your spouse if there is anything you can change to make them happier and then commit to doing it.

Day 23: Find a couple with a healthy relationship and go on a double date with them. Ask them their secrets to a happy and healthy relationship.

Day 24: Discuss your in laws and if you have appropriate boundaries or if they need to be adjusted. Remember to be respectful about this.

Day 25: Do something silly together. Paint, go to the zoo, have a food fight, it doesn’t matter. Just find a way to laugh and enjoy each other’s company.

Day 26: Reflect how your spouse has improved over time. Do not say anything negative.

Day 27: Identify rules for your marriage about friendships of the opposite sex. Decide what you are both comfortable with.

Day 28: Discuss your expectations for sex and make a plan for how you can meet both of your needs.

Day 29: Try something new together.

Day 30: Reflect on the past month and share about how you felt it went. Decide what the next step for your relationship is. Seek help if your marriage is still in a rough spot.

Please note that if you do this for a month but do not continue these habits, your marriage will not improve. These habits need to stick. 


  1. I think you should post each day's challenge as your status! These are good reminders!

  2. Very motivating thoughts and execution. I am absolutely fulfilled and decided to your thoughts. Thanks for having it here.


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