When it comes to my parents, I don’t think I had the perfect example of how to resolve conflict but I sure don’t think I had the worst either. Still my husband and I had to determine on our own a method of conflict resolution that would work for us. Starting out my husband used the “give in” method. I was a pretty big fan of this at first, until I got sick of him giving in. I would tell him, “I was just a jerk, stand up for yourself!” My weakness was I spoke too often out of emotions rather than a rational mind. That is why I ended up being a jerk more than I’d like to admit.
We have been consistently working at our conflict resolution over the years and I am significantly better at controlling my emotions before I speak and my husband clearly communicates his wants and needs more often. We aren’t perfect yet, especially if I am hungry, but we are resolving conflict. Sometimes because we are not perfect at it yet a fight might take 2 hours or even a day to resolve. We make progress and then screw up and start the fight all over again. The point is we keep trying. If we make a mistake we start over and keep at it until the situation is resolved.
Picture the chairs above as conflict. On the other side of that wall of chairs is a person you are trying to have a relationship with. Each time you get in a conflict and don’t resolve it a chair is piled up. If you consistently do not resolve conflict soon you chair pile is so big there is no way you can even see the other person. If you truly want to have a relationship with another person resolving conflict is a must. Stick it out. Fight fair and respectfully. The rewards will be worth it.
The other night my husband was holding me so tight and I him. I felt so cherished and loved by him. In that moment my satisfaction with my marriage was a full 10. I can tell you now that if it weren’t for our determination to not give up or give in to our emotions we would not feel this in love. It was our resolve to keep at it that got us here, not just a feeling that has lasted.
You can also experience this satisfaction. If you are not sure how to get there see a counselor. Go before your marriage is beyond repair.