Experiencing a loss can put tremendous strain on a relationship.
A significant loss could include a relationship, a job, a house, a loved one or
multiple other events. Grieving
a loss is a long and difficult road. Grieving as a couple can be even more
difficult. Many of us are familiar with the five stages of grief but how each
stage affects the other part of a couple can either be an opportunity for
growth or an opportunity for increased conflict.
Memorial Hospital, (2006) describes the
five stages of grief as the following:
- Denial and Isolation.
At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer. - Anger.
The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if she's dead), or at the world/God, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it. - Bargaining.
Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?" - Depression.
The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath. - Acceptance.
This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.
In a relationship if one person is in the
denial stage and the other is in the anger stage, isolation and anger can be
directed at each other, creating a wedge that makes grieving together very
difficult. Recognizing what stage your significant other is in can allow for
understanding and growth both in the relationship and the individual.
The bargaining stage can be difficult
because it is often unfruitful. Directing bargaining at a person who cannot
deliver the results or harshly pointing out poor results of bargaining can
result in anger and resentment in both parties.
When a member of the relationship enters
the depression stage they often become unavailable emotionally and physically
to their loved one. Communicating with your partner about what you are going
through can reduce feelings of rejection or anger.
Experiencing a loss of any kind is
difficult to transition through. Seeing a counselor can help navigate the flood
of emotions or the numb detachment, and help to reduce relational strain.
Reference:
Memorial Hospital. (2006). Five
Stages of Grief. Retrieved on May 18, 2011 from http://www.memorialhospital.org/library/general/stress-the-3.html
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