Wednesday, April 11, 2012

5 Steps to Healing a Broken Heart

Has your heart ever been broken? I think it feels like an anchor is tied to your heart and you pull it around with you all day as it rips at your heart. Other people describe it as a sinking feeling in your chest that is bottomless.

What is your story? Why did your heart break? Maybe you never fit in and you felt defective. Your social skills lead you to being bullied rather than making friends. Maybe you loved someone and you shockingly found out they didn’t love you back.  Maybe you are getting a divorce or someone you love has died.

Please remember we all have pain. A lot of the most insulting stuff that we do is because of the pain we have experienced. Pain is dangerous though because not only do we feel pain from the initial event but if we do not deal with it, it will continue to harm us. That is where our dysfunctional behavior comes out. (trust issues, being mean to push people away so you don’t get hurt, bullying, physical symptoms of stress etc…)

So how do we heal?

1st recognize and label the pain. You cannot deal with it if you do not know what it is. Expect facing your emotions to be difficult but understand that is part of healing.

2nd find a safe person to talk to. A close friend, family member, pastor, or counselors are great people to talk to as long as they are healthy and supportive. Make sure you are seeking wise and functional people because an unhealthy person could make it worse.

3rd understand that it will take time. Talking to a friend one time is not enough. It will take facing your emotions many times. Allow the feeling to come and let it out so it do not come back in. Picture it like waves. At first it might be a big tidal wave of emotion but after time it will only feel like a ripple.

4th if another person is a the source of your pain try and look at it from their perspective. Understanding why they hurt you doesn't make what they did okay, but it can at least help you understand why they did it. 

5th accept that pain has happened to you and look for ways to use it for good. Many community organizations have been started this way. Pain is often the source of many people's compassion. Find your way to use the pain. If you view your pain as useful it is easier to make peace with it. Hopefully you will get to a point where you would choose your pain again based on the good that has come from it. 

Pain is a part of this world and there is no way to escape it entirely. We can change its effects on us. Pain can be used to cripple us or it can be used to empower us! Choose growth! You will never say “I really regret working through my issues.”  


  1. Can you give me some examples on making pain useful? It's been hurting for five years. Thanks.

  2. It depends what your pain is. Some people use their pain to teach them things, other people use pain to gain a new perspective on life, and some people use their experience with pain to help others. It would very much depend on your situation!


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